08/01/2011

The foundation



So.

Here we are.

All lonely in the night before.

All thinking about things to come, things to be, things to go, places to believe, places to make love at.

But you're still lonely, and your skin is starting to wrinkle. You are no longer Jack's nightmares. Jack is your dream come true and you're scared to death. Why did it happen?, you ask. Why do I face the sky and the stars without music, just a brief glimpse of sound in the dark?

We want very big, very awesome, drapely shadows on our eyes while we sense the future. But our future is doomed to be as beautiful as we suggest our omens to be. We pay, sometimes handsomely, to have our egos brushed to oblivions of bliss. But we are still seekers of light, seekers of dark, seekers of neverdownonawhim.

So I am Jack. Kerouac, let it be for the moment. And I travel. And I never soothe myself with the idea of standing idle and oblivious, always a late-night visit, always a beer to drink, always-always-always-always we discover nights be dancers and we are never to stop, to be revolutions in the makings of solitude.

I have traveled today. I have grown in alleys, stood by their light, by the light in the eyes of mongrels and babies. And the light astonished me, I found myself astonishable and that seemed quaint.

I miss the sense of distant loneliness. Of being against it in my body because I could shape it as a long lost friend. Now that it is become my piano-player, I no longer miss it. But we are keen to miss, keen to lose.

And we await. The moment of awaiting is our foundation.

Because strength is truly what makes all other virtues possible.

So do your strength. Do your strong as naively as possible and you may yet survive. You need a kiss if you don't play strong. So play weak. Kissers are weak, they become weak as they melt.

It's been a long time since I melted.

Perhaps not as strong as before. Perhaps strength is leaving for more prosperous shores. Tomorrow we set foot on the land of loss. And we will face the darkness upright, as we always have.

Don't mind my games. That's my plead to you.